The personal side of bias, prejudice and oppression

When reflecting on a past experience with bias, prejudice and or oppression I think of the time when I was pregnant.  When my husband and I decided to have our first child it was the year of my college graduation.  I was three months pregnant when I graduated college.  Normally this would not be a big deal, however, I did not change my maiden name.  I decided to keep my maiden name after I graduated to ensure that all of my information was correct.  When I went to my doctor’s appointment I remember the doctor asking me if I had a boyfriend and I said no I’m married.  The doctor assumed that I was an unwed soon to be mother.  I had decided before I went to the doctor’s that I would change my name in time for my son’s birth.  After this appointment I was in a hurry to change my name.  I felt that others would think of me as a women with a “baby daddy” I did not want people to think of me this way.  I felt bad that this was a quick assumptions of people when the mother’s name did not match the males. 

After reading about “my social identities portrait” I realized that being married with a traditional family consisting of two parents with their biological children was considered a norm with advantages in the society (Derman-Sparks & Edwards, 2010).  This was taught to me by my parents growing up.  My parent’s had my sister and me as teenagers and married each other when we were three months old.  The odds were stacked against them but they have been married ever since.    My parent’s stressed the importance of being married when deciding to have children.  This is why I knew that it was important to change my name before my son was born.  I did not want people to think I was a single mother.    

Understanding my own bias with this issue has helped me to change my point of view with married or unmarried women having babies.  I had to change my view of thinking that a family with unmarried parents had less equity than my own.  Admittedly, before I became a mother I would make the same assumptions as my doctor when I taught in the public school if the child and mother did not have the same last names.  Since then I have learned that it is more important to get to know the family based on who is in the family instead of my own personal beliefs.