Consequences of Stress on Children's Development

 

Growing up I had a childhood with both parents in the household with my two sisters.  I am the oldest twin of my sister Nicole and our younger sister Rosalind.  I didn’t feel like I had any major stressors in my childhood.  My father was in the Marines and we moved around frequently.  Others may find this pretty chaotic, however, I enjoyed moving and meeting new people.  Out of all of the listed stressors for this assignment I chose chaos.  This stressor was felt in my adulthood with the stress of losing my twin sister in childbirth.  My immediate thought was about what life would be like for the three young girls she left behind ages 5, 8 and an infant.                                       

When my sister passed life changed as we knew it.  Changes were rapid and chaotic.  My sister’s husband made the move to be by my sister’s side of the family.  We pitched in to help him raise his three girls.  It was hard on all of us to adjust to the changes.  When I took the three girls and my two boys out for an outings people would assume all 5 children belonged to me.  This was especially difficult on the girls because they looked like me due to the fact of their mother was my identical twin.  The girls often yearned to call me their mother because they did not have one.  I would share things that their mother and I would do and reminded them that I would never take the place of their mother but would support them in ways their mother would.                      

My heart broke for the youngest baby because she would never know her mother.  She was forced to rely on what we shared with her about her mother.  When she was in pre-k I came to the school to pick her up and a girl asked her if I was her mother.  My niece said “no, that’s my aunt, my mom died having me.  My mom and auntie were twins.”   My heart sank.  I quickly responded to my niece and the other child by saying “yes we are twins that is why my niece looks like me.”  I couldn’t help but wonder if my niece felt that she caused her mother’s death.  As a family we have tried to reassure her that she was not the cause of her mother’s death and that God needed her to be with him.  Just recently, we were at the park.  My niece is now 9 years old.  She asked me, “auntie, why does my mommy have to be in heaven looking down on me?  Why can’t’ she be her with me now?”  I didn’t know how to answer her other than to say “she is an angel in heaven helping God.”  I told her she was a special gift from God.                          

Ensuring that my niece’s childhood continues to be one where they feel supported and love is what I feel their mother would love.  The girls do not live with me and my family but we still get to have our visits.  I am thankful for the times we get to share to remind them of memories of their mother.  Losing a parent is a challenge and stress on children of any age.  Life is not promised daily.  This event has cause our family to take one day and moment at a time.  We cherish every moment together.  My goal is to be there for the girls as much as I can to provide them with any ongoing assurances needed through their childhood. 

In South Asia children experience stressors also.  One source of stress for children is their academic performance requirements by their parents.  Children are expected to receive grades no less than a B plus.  Often the parent’s main focus is on what mistakes have occurred with the child.  Children are expected to be successful in school to ensure success as adults.  To minimize this stress parents are encouraged to talk to others if they recognize stress in their child or children.  Parents are also encouraged to listen to their children and allow them to play and be children.  Parents need to value and enjoy the time they have with their children ("Stress Facts For South Asian Children And Teens", 2011).

I feel that it is important for American and South Asian parents to observe children and have open discussions with children in order to minimize stress.  I worry for my nieces about feeling sad that they do not have their mother in their lives anymore.  This causes my family to play an active role in their emotional development by having honest conversations about how they are feeling. This will continue to be an ongoing process throughout their development.